retreating into repetitive behaviour

I have just been reading the twisted blog and came across the 'why I knit' blog....which set me thinking, and gut instinct tells me that it is a retreat into repetitive behaviour, a bit like zoo animals pacing up and down due to being caged etc. Now, there is a whole host of other stuff of course. That my Mother knitted, often. That I ended up (if only briefly) studying textiles for a while at Goldsmiths, if only in a rather haphazard and lost kind of way - until I went and got pregnant....the rest most of you can guess. If you can't guess well, you probably will if you are lucky/unlucky enough (delete as appropriate.....don't get me wrong, it is just that I do have the tee shirt and I know that feeling positive about motherhood is an elusive and fragile creature, made of unexpected joy and horror all mingled together in the same moment, and the mood can change from day to day, if not hour to hour or minute to minute...). So, for me it is the best most beautiful excuse to not be doing all the things I 'should' be doing, and for that read overgrown kids who can mostly do whatever it is they want me to do for themselves, ex from whom I am finally getting divorced being here nearly every day (oddly upsetting, despite having been separated for four years, except that the current reason that he can't have the practically adult kids over for tea - they are 19 and 16 - at his place is that he has recently installed some dodgy do-it-yourself double glazing and it makes his kitchen steam up.....I want to cry...mind you he has just made a fabulous dinner so, swings and roundabouts I guess.....), finding that I just need the headspace to think and do all those million ordinary everyday things like shop and cook and knit without feeling that I am neglecting the needs of someone other than myself, or to sort my head for work. It's perennial. I've developed some independent habits, and feel like I'm running rapidly out of time for myself. Watch this space ( but don't hold your breath!) xxxxx

Oh yeah, knitting! Am trying desperately to knit this little six pointed 'ball' for a friend's new baby - she has called him George and though he is not my namesake I am ridiculously pleased about this, even though I have always felt burdened with my name, and blamed it on my parents having had three boys prior to me and thus they could obviously not make sufficient change of mindset to give me a girly name, or even a girly middle name to fall back on if the first one didn't fit. The toy is celestine sox ( a freebie pattern from berrocco by Norah Gaughan - umm, I think I spelled/spelt that all accurately... a few gin and tonics doesn't hlep much at this time of night when it comes to pernickity spelling stuff...but it does blur the edges of other things quite nicely, have given up on the knitting though... bottoms up to Crazy Aunt Purl!)and will work once I am sober.

The hideous yellow cardi comes on, slower and slower though. This may turn into a frog fest again. And the 4mm needles suddenly feel huge now I have been messing with tiny little 2mm dpns.

I know. Pics. Tomorrow, Ok?